Tips to Control Anger ; How To Control Anger Easily

tips-to-control-anger

It seems we could all use some tips to control anger. There’s so much anger in the world these days. We’ve got angry cats, angry football players (Wayne Rooney), cute angry babies and more. Jees. . . . Whether you need  tips to control anger at work, tips to control anger in relationships or tips to control anger before it controls you, then read on. And don’t worry, you won’t need to sign up for any anger management counselling sessions, you just need to read, be a little mindful and relax. . . it’ll be easy in just a sec, trust me :)

 tips-to-control-anger

Tips to Control Anger

What causes anger? A lot, it would seem. Used to be pretty much anything could make me angry, and I was far from the only one. People get angry for a million different reasons, but essentially it all comes down to the same thing: we get angry when our preconceived idea of the world and our idea of how things should be is violated. Thankfully, this definition of anger also provides a way to control anger, a way which I used myself to create coping skills and one that I want to share with you now; some tip to control angrer outbursts and to develop coping skills when you notice signs of anger in yourself or in others.

Let’s start from the beginning, however. For the real problem is not anger itself. . The real problem comes when you start thinking, “I can’t control my anger,” when you start giving in and believing that anger is an unalterable part of your personality. That’s when you start to feel vexed, as though you’re out of control of your own actions. And in order to change that, you need to learn to take back control. You need to learn that there are ways to manage your anger. As soon as you start to believe that you have control over your anger rather than your anger having control over you, you’ll start to relax, to feel less of a victim of your own emotions. So, how do we regain control?

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 Tips to Control Anger:

Manage Your Anger By Realising it’s in Your Head

First thing’s first. The anger is in your head and the best way to control anger is to realise that  YOU are creating it. Seems weird, huh? Yet it’s true. Whether it’s anger in relationships, anger at work, anger with kids or any other kind of anger, you are the one creating it. Your creating anger because you believe that someone has violated the established rules .A kid kicks your seat on the plane; they’re breaking the rules of holiday etiquette. Your wife or husband fails to meet your arrangements; they’re breaking an agreement. An employee fails to give you the proper respect; they’re breaking the rules of the workplace. Yet all these forms of anger come down to one thing: life is not panning out how you believe it should. You have, in your head, an idea of how things should be, and life simple isn’t following suit.

Realising this reality to your anger goes along way in providing help with anger. This is one of the best tips to control anger.

Tips to control anger:  Acceptance

if we get angry because our preconceived idea of how things should be keeps getting violated, then the logical solution is to simply stop being so obsessed with the way things should be. Stop having preconceived ideas. Roll with the punches. That’s how people stay clam in angry situation.

 Say you’re angry because a kid is creaming on a plane but no one else seems angry. The other passengers have simply accepted that their flight is going to be noisy. As soon as they accepted this new reality, they were able to see that, whilst their situation might be annoying, it really wasn’t that bad.

Sometimes, however, we just can’t accept, so what then?

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Tips to Control Anger 3 a: Recognise the Underlying Cause of your Anger.

This is the big one. The reason we are not always able to accepted reality is because it conflicts with a deeper part of ourselves. For instance, lets say youre the boss of a company and an employee is doing something to anger you (and you cant just fire or suspend them!) … at this time you will probably think to yourself something like “Im the boss, I dont need to deal with this S***” or “Its beneath me” and so on. This line of thinking is the entire issue because you then exagerate the situation to become “This employee is disrespecting me” or worse.  To give another example;   I personally believe I am a good writer, and when someone posts in those comments below that I suck… I rage. “What the &^*! Do you know about writing ya ill-educated schmuck! GRRRR!!!’ This line of thinknig then becomes the real issue; the real reason we are angry (because we believe the other person has crossed some LINE that only exists because of beliefs we too tightly hold about ourselves). Therefore, you must recognise that there is an underlying cause to your anger.

Tips to Control Anger 3b: Discovering the Secret

In order to discover that secret reason for your rage (the belief you are holding too tightly that the other person is conflicting with), you have to step back and truly look at yourself. Just imagine you are taking a little step outside of your own head and then look down and ask  “Why do I (the person you are now looking at) find this situation so annoying? What is it about this scene that conflicts with my beliefs about myself.”    Give yourself time to answer this question.  And be honest. You’ll likely find something truly revealing. Here are some examples…

Tips to Control Anger  : Negative Thought

I’m mad that guy said I look bad because I know I look good and I NEED to look good

Tips to Control Anger  :  Enlightened, Positive Thought

Well… if I do look bad today then clearly looking bad doesn’t matter too much as I hadn’t even noticed before that guy told me  … Wait… a …. minute….!!!!  I don’t NEED to look good everyday in order to be happy!

Tips to Control Anger  : Negative Thought

Don’t these bloody employees realise im the boss!

Tips to Control Anger  : Enlightened, Positive Thought

yes, but maybe theyre just trying to lighten the mood!


Tips to Control Anger

Your emotions always stem from an underlying belief, a perception of yourself and the world around you. You get angry when reality turns out to not be exactly what you thought it was, when something contradicts your belief of the world, but THERE is where the real secret lies…. if something contradicts your view of the world then clearly your view of the world is not 100% accurate (in other words, you dont think your employees should crack jokes at your expense, but they do, so clearly your opinion was wrong.) In this way, your anger actually points out errors in your perception of the world. Should you then RECOGNISE your error you can then correct your view of the world. You can think “Employees CAN crack jokes at my expense cause we are all human.” This will then lead to even more revelations. “At work we are still people… Perhaps if I engage my employees more human sides I will improve my relationship with them….” Then a few weeks later. “Wow. Im actually liking spending time with my employees since I lightened up, and they like it to. We have a more positive attitude and that has increased our productivity“… That’s right : your anger is trying to teach you something. That’s why shortly after I get angry I am thankful for the cause because I know it has taught me something about life. It has corrected my view of the world, and that in turn empowers me to work more effectively and to make the right  decision more often.

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And hell, if that doesn’t work, you could always just put some sodding headphones on and listen to relaxing music… jees, this &%^* aint rocket science  ;)

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The wish for healing has always been half of health. -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca